How To Be A Better Man – Wayne Levine
to be a better man
What does it take to be a better man? What does it take to be the man, husband, father and leader you’ve always wanted to be?
In this episode with Wayne Levine, a best selling author and a facilitator for men, he’s going to talk about the importance of being community-oriented and how to overcome the struggles someone may experience when creating a community.
Having a sense of community allows you to be more in your body and be more open to have trusting relationships with others. You’ll also get the wisdom and guidance you need to make critically important changes in your life and relationships.
How being embodied can make a man feel more confident
Key components to being embodied
Importance of meditation and having regular get-togethers with other men
Struggles that men experience with regards to creating a community and how they can overcome them
How separation from one another causes violence and hatred
You need to realize that nothing is wrong with you
Know the best thing that men can do for their partners
Awareness as the key to finding your purpose and be of service to others
TRANSCRIPTION: HIGH-END PRODUCTS – RUSS RUFFINO
Hey there, Thriving Launchers. On today’s episode, we’re going to talk about what it takes to be a better man, for men to be in his body and present to life so he can enjoy it thoroughly.
Today, we’re here with Wayne Levine. He has a Masters in Clinical Psychology, a best-selling author, and a facilitator for men.
Hey there, Thriving Launchers. We are here with Wayne.
Wayne, are you ready to launch?
I’m ready and able, Luis.
One thing I love to hear from you is what makes someone more confident to be a better man? What helps a man to be and gain more confidence?
Be Embodied to Be a Better Man
Well, a man has to be embodied to be a better man.
We have our heads, and we have our bodies, and most of us are separated, and we’re not integrated. We’re not paying attention to what is going on inside of our body energetically, spiritually, emotionally, physically.
There’s a lot of work that can be done to merge those parts because men who live in their heads are not living as the man they can be. They’re probably not feeling confident. They’re more in fear than in love so there is a holistic approach to being the best man you can be.
Critical Components on How to Be a Better Man
Regarding the work that I’ve been doing for the last 20 years with the men, one of the essential components is to be able to have trusting relationships with other men and to be able to feel vulnerable, and to let in the wisdom, and the camaraderie.
Most men don’t have that happening in their lives because they didn’t have that role modeling. They didn’t see their dads having those kinds of relationships because most of their dads just didn’t have it in their lives either. It’s generational as well as other factors that are putting men in this isolated, disconnected place.
One thing that I think is such a beautiful experience to see is when men do have that with each other and can experience that trust, and spaciousness with one another, which helps them to be a better man.
What are some tips you would give to men to be more in their bodies so they can open up to more of those kinds of connections for them to be a better man?
There are lots of different modalities, and all pads eventually lead to the same place. It depends on how committed you are to do the work.
Practice Daily to Be a Better Man
I think that like any spiritual program, it’s a daily practice, and I believe that this work is spiritually-based whether you’re connected to it or not. Unless you feel related to something more substantial than yourself, and you’re the center of the universe, you’re probably not going to get very far in your work.
It’s a daily practice to do the things that will open your heart that will make you more compassionate, more patient, and a better listener.
Meditation And Get Together With Other Men to Be a Better Man
I think meditation and having a regular way to get together with men to be able to talk about what’s going on in your life, to be able to get the input that you need so that you can go home and be a better father, and a better husband. And you can have the support you need to make these difficult changes about “Do I stay in this job?” “Do I stay in this relationship? “How do I handle my parents?” “How do I handle my children?”
I agree. As someone who has utilized various men’s groups in the community, I resonate with what you’re saying on ways on how to be a better man.
What do you think is one of the first challenges that men struggle with creating a community or coming out of their shell? We’re kind of in a very individualistic society, at least in The United States. That can be a hard thing for a man to realize, “Hey, I probably would need some community.”
Well, as I’m sure you guys know, it’s a lot more talk about it these days. We’re growing in consciousness. Not fast enough, but we are growing.
Have a Sense Of Community to Be a Better Man
Things are shifting now to a sense of oneness, and until we feel that oneness, we’re going to continue to have all the problems we have in the world. It works in the macro, and in the micro.
Men especially have been separated from each other for such a long time, and we can see the results of that in the world.
The violence and the hatred that’s going on, it’s only happening because we feel separated from each other. Even on an individual level, men are sitting in their homes, playing video games or on the computer, watching porn, wishing their lives were different, hoping they had something more, and not knowing what to do about it.
Anyone Can Learn How to Be a Better Man
What keeps them stuck in that is shame thinking that there’s something wrong with them. Looking out on Facebook and seeing how all these other men are living amazing lives, but they are not. The shame keeps us stuck, this notion that there’s something wrong with us.
The only way to combat that is to face it and to go through the fire to learn that there is nothing wrong with you. There are just things that you haven’t seen and haven’t learned, and you can learn those things by all these many practices out there including developing some good relationships with other men.
Express Fully and Completely to Be a Better Man
I just want to throw my hat and the ring here on the other side as to someone who’s facilitated women’s groups for many years and feel that it’s such an important part to be able to sit with our gender and to have that space to express ourselves fully and completely.
I loved what you said about we all feel that something’s wrong with us, and something about creating safety in that space is we can hear how other people feel the same way that we do. We’re not alone in that struggle.
Yeah, and I’m glad that you mention your women circle.
I have a partner now. I was out of a 35-year marriage that was not nurturing me, and that’s a whole other interview about that process. But I have a partner now, and she heals herself through her women’s circles. Her Goddess work and she facilitates, and she coaches and all that.
Have a Balanced Masculine And Feminine Energy to Be a Better Man
The masculine and feminine, and understanding that energy in all of us is vital to be a better man, and it’s missing in most men’s work. It’s because a lot of the men’s work came out of the 90’s when men were just struggling to grab onto their masculinity.
There has been such an imbalance for such a long time. I can tell you, just from my work is that I had to spend a lot of time connecting with my feminine energy so that I could hold space for my woman, talk to women, be with women, maintain my masculine, and let them feel safe in the company of a healthy masculine. And then, we have all sorts of dialogs and exercises.
How to Be a Better Man for Your Partner
There is so much trauma in the world, so many sexual traumas that women have experienced that we as men, the best thing we can do with our women is to get healthy and to get balanced so that they have the safe space, that they can heal. They can talk about what’s happened to them, and they can move on, and hopefully in partnership, move on together to experience things that maybe neither of you had ever imagined for yourselves.
It’s fascinating to talk to you at this moment because we’re here in Colombia, South America. And so we are in a culture that is very community-orientated; lots of check-ins, lots of family time, lots of thought and concern about how the other person is doing. It seems like at least people in The United States could benefit from that type of community or culture that is more prominent in different ethnic cultures like South America here.
Being Community-Oriented to Be a Better Man
The Northern hemisphere is in their heads. The Southern region is in their bodies. South America and Africa, so much attention is in movement and dance. You’re connected to your bodies.
Up here, North America, Scandinavia, we’re in our heads. We’re thinking so much, and we can see the result now. The shadow is coming out. It’s been there a long time but in The US especially, things are erupting here, and they have to change. They’re going to change, and we don’t have a sense of community.
It’s one of the reasons why my partner and I are relocating out of the country. We’re going to Asia. We’ll probably end up somewhere in Central or South America because that community is so important, and you want to surround yourself with the kind of people whom you would want to be like.
The community is so essential for men, individually for women so that we can come together and have a very healthy community for our families.
Before we wrap up, I would love to hear from you just one thing you would tell men that they could go out and do today that could help integrate some of the things we’ve been talking about.
You need to breathe and start paying attention to whether you feel your heart is open to your family, to opportunities, to the challenges that face you.
Do you feel like you’re powerful? Do you feel like you’re in your body or are you floating? Are you scared?
Being Aware to Be A Better Man
To be a better man takes awareness.
Just like in the 12-step program. You have to own the fact that you have a problem first before you can open up to the support.
I think you have to start breathing or remembering, “Hey, I’ve got this body here. Am I paying attention to it and are we working together; my head and my body to be able to find my purpose, and to be of service to the people in my life?”
All right, Thriving Launchers.
There you have it. Remember to breathe to be a better man. Take some deep breaths, and if you got one take away from the show, I hope you got some benefits from it.
Me personally, I was reminded about the importance of community. Thriving Launchers, whatever you’ve got, I hope you’ve taken the time to breathe it in, and we’ll see you on the next episode. Keep thriving you all.