How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People – Wade Alters

Thriving Launch by Kamala Chambers and Luis Congdon How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People - Wade Alters
00:00:00 00:00:00
how to have confidence and power in dealing with people

Summary-icon

SUMMARY


Our belief systems are holding us back from learning how to have confidence and power in dealing with people. Of course, we do not want those beliefs to dictate our life.

On this episode, Wade Alters, who has worked in multiple industries, talks about how important confidence is not only in business, but also in other areas of our life.

Wade shares some great resources and tips to get rid of the feelings of self-doubt and to build confidence in areas where we didn’t have it before.

key-takeaways-icon

KEY TAKEAWAYS


arrow-iconConfidence is the linchpin to everything.

arrow-iconConfidence is important when you’re talking to someone that you’ve never met before.

arrow-iconIf you have a belief that’s causing self-doubt, be aware and realize what that belief is.

arrow-iconWhatever the belief is, the more experiences you have, the more reinforced that belief is.

arrow-iconPushing the bubble of your comfort zone can build confidence in an area where you didn’t have it beforehand.

arrow-iconYour personality is not your destiny. You can become a more confident person.

arrow-iconMeditation and visualization can be done to increase our confidence in any area of our life.

arrow-iconWe’ve had our beliefs for so long that we feel they’re part of who we are.

Summary-icon

TRANSCRIPTION: HOW TO HAVE CONFIDENCE AND POWER DEALING WITH PEOPLE – WADE ALTERS


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Kamala Chambers

On this episode, we’re going to be talking about how to have confidence and power in dealing with people.

Today, we have CEO Wade Alters here with us. He’s been successfully crushing it online since 2012, working in multiple industries like wellness, relationships, dating, and business.

Thriving Launchers, it’s great to have you here with us talking to Wade.

Wade, are you ready to launch?

Wade Alters

Yup, definitely. Let’s do it.

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Kamala Chambers

All right.

What role do you think confidence plays in being successful at life? How important do you think it is to learn how to have confidence and power in dealing with people?

Wade Alters How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People Thriving Launch Podcast

Importance of Learning How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People

Wade Alters

For me, my background, I’ve been coaching for about 11 years now, and I started off at the young buck age of 24. Then, I was teaching dating advice and so of course, it’s crucial to know how to have confidence and power dealing with people especially to someone that you’ve never met before.

But then, as I got into the business context, it’s important to have the confidence to do something on my own, but then also, to take the leap of faith. You’ve been putting content out there, and speaking from a position of an authority.

Even in the gym, the ability to lift the amount of weight you want, if you start second guessing yourself, that’s when you get hurt.

I think it’s one of the most important things you need, but the challenge is that when you need it the most, it’s usually when it’s not there. That’s the chick and the egg dilemma on learning how to have confidence and power in dealing with people.

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Kamala Chambers

Isn’t that the truth?

What are the ways on how to have confidence and power in dealing with people? How would you say we could pull ourselves up and find that spark of confidence when we need it?

Wade Alters

I’ve had three hours seminars on this topic about how to have confidence and power in dealing with people. It’s something I’m passionate about.

Ways On How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People Are Contextual And Specific

Wade Alters

A starting off point for sure is the fact that learning how to have confidence and power in dealing with people is very contextual and specific.

Too often, when people have a big term like “confidence,” they filter it over everything that they do, and they say, “Oh, I just lack confidence.” Or even if it’s just “I lack confidence to take risks,” or “I lack confidence to talk to people like go to a networking event.”

There are times where you do have that like if you’re talking to your sister or a family member. Confidence is an issue there.

Reinforcing How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People

Wade Alters

Building confidence is just a matter of getting experience and reference points as well as looking at it from an inner game side of things and saying, ” What beliefs do I have about myself that I need to work on or to restructure?”

At the end of the day, you have to have reference experiences to reinforce confidence. But we can also a lot of times, stack the cards against ourselves because we hold onto beliefs that limit us in different scenarios.

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Luis Congdon

It makes completely sense.

Learn How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People To Get Results

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Luis Congdon

I strongly believe a lot of the results we’re getting in life are a result of the ways we have on how to have confidence and power in dealing with people or our beliefs systems. Confidence is a big piece of belief systems and the results we’re having.

I’ve done a lot of work around the inner game as you call it. It’s that mindset, the emotional frame or set you have in your mind around what it means to learn how to have confidence and power in dealing with people, be successful, and feel that way.

I’m curious from you. What are some of the resources or tools you think are useful in helping people be better at that inner game on how to have confidence and power in dealing with people?

Wade Alters

I want to jump in and say one quick little concept on how to have confidence and power in dealing with people.

My background like I said, when I started off, it was just organic. I worked for this contracting company to take guys out and run seminars, help them build confidence around women. Then we’d even go out to Starbucks and Burger Kings, and night clubs, and have them implement it immediately.

At that point, I was just reading some random self-help books at that time about , and figuring stuff out on the fly. Later on, I did a lot of NLP training, and I mentored with a lady name Barbara Stepp, who worked with Richard Bandler for 25 years, creator of NLP and even Tony Robbins when he was in his early 20’s in the 80’s.

The Feelings On How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People Are Associated With The Thought

Wade Alters

She was a clinical hypnotherapist. Something I learned from that whole area was the fact that any feelings that we have are always associated first with the thought.

There’s something we say to ourselves, maybe like “I don’t think this is going to go very well,” which leads to a lot of self-doubt or we imagine something happening.

You’re about to go into that sales presentation, and you’re picturing the other person giving that rejection and saying “No. This is horrible! I’m kicking you out of the business.” and you’re basically stuck in the cards against yourself before you even start.

How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People – Understand The Thought Process

Wade Alters

When you go away, step away from the feeling, and analyzing, “What is the thought process here?” it allows you to have these handles and levers to work with. I think again, it goes back to thinking with purpose.

A lot of resources I like have a very tactical approach, because I feel like a lot of times with self-help, it’s very easy to get into that “Just push it harder! Take more action!” Then people are confused when consciously they know what they want to do but they just can’t get themselves to do it. That’s why I’m sure as you said from your experience too that the inner game is where it’s at, the subconscious.

Resources On How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People

Wade Alters

The book I recommend the most would be The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. I’m a huge Ayn Rand fan, Atlas Shrugged, and The Fountainhead, which is in the same mold of the virtue of selfishness and becoming more assertive.

I guess, without jumping huge into whole NLP world, I love Psycho-Cybernetics. That’s another great one to get your mind and focus it on the visualization aspect of things. Probably a good quick start in the NLP world would be Frogs into Princes by Richard Brandler. Those will be three I think great starting points.

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Kamala Chambers

That’s a lot of great resources on how to have confidence and power in dealing with people.

Luis, I kind of want to have you jump you on this one because you’re like a super confident guy. I would have to say that Luis. He has definitely been the most confident man to ever pursue me.

How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People Especially Women

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Kamala Chambers

I think his confidence is what won me over. He was just like “You want me. I know you do.”

It works, but confidence, I see like Luis is he wavering in your confidence. I think in general, you’re like a super confident male, and we all have these down days. We all have dips in our energy.

I’d love to hear from both of you how that flows and just that confidence isn’t something is constant.

You’re going to have some kind of dip and flow in your energy with it.

Wade Alters

Well, that intro, I think you should go first there.

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Luis Congdon

Well, I’d like to just say I’m a good actor.

Ways On How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People Vary

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Luis Congdon

I think Wade has made a great point, and it’s something for you guys to remember that confidence is not this overarching thing as we put it.

We look at somebody and we go, “Wow. That’s a really confident guy.” or, “Wow. That’s a really confident woman.” or, “That’s a confident team.” But we don’t know how that person feels about their ability to be a parent or a husband or a soccer play or how they are at the gym.

If you put me inside the gym, I’m one of the most confident guys in there. I’ve been lifting weights, doing the gym stuff for a long time, and I have a lot of experience that backed up my sense of confidence in the gym.

But if you put me somewhere like a Math club, I’m going to be one of the least confident people in that room.

That’s a good point you’ve made there Wade, and we can change our confidence.

Tools On How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People In Any Area Of Our Life

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Luis Congdon

One of the ways I like to do that is through meditation and visualization. I think those are some of the most powerful tools I’ve ever found around changing our confidence in any area of our life.

I’m going to definitely segway to let you answer that question as well Wade.

Wade Alters

I’d say for me, the whole reason I found out about self-help was I had been in a relationship from 16 to 24. From the pain, I’m like, “I need to find another woman.” It was kind of like you guys were talking about and I’m like, “Okay. I think it’s confidence.” and I didn’t know what attracted a woman.

I think when you get into self-development, you go through that phase of like, “What is the meaning of life?” and then you get into all the spirituality. It just goes deeper and deeper there.

Going through that whole gamut of things on how to have confidence and power in dealing with people, I would say I had confidence in certain situations and I think we all do. I know we all do. That’s my belief. Whether it’s playing video games, in the kitchen, it doesn’t matter where it is.

How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People – Do Visualization

Wade Alters

There are some areas of our life where we’re confident.

A lot of times, if I’m working with a client who isn’t confident in one area, it’s bringing in those strategies like visualization.

What do they think about when they’re doing that thing they’re confident? What do they say to themselves? What is the tonality? Are they saying “Oh, yeah! I’m going to kill this and this is going to be awesome!” Are they’re like compared to the areas where they have the self-doubt?

Usually, the tone of voice is much different. A lot of times, it’s even like a critical parent or something like that. It’s like, “Okay. Let’s get that mind out of there, and have a more productive strategy in the situation.”

Beliefs Affect Learning How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People

Wade Alters

The way I always like looking at it is the fact that we’ve had our beliefs for so long. I just turned 35. Some of these beliefs had been 34 and half years in the making or longer so they feel like they’re part of who we are, and because of that, you give your power away. You’re like “This is just how it’s supposed to be,” as opposed to knowing or realizing that you can change these beliefs.

If people have a belief that “I am introverted,” or “I’m not good at Math,” the first step is self-awareness, and realizing what that belief is. In that alone, the subconscious goes to work. It moves it out of the unconscious as a habitual thing into something that, “Oh. Okay, cool. Now, I can work with this.”

The old NLP sort of Tony Robbins’ analogy where he talks about a belief that it’s the top of the table and the legs are the reference points.

Wade Alters How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People Thriving Launch Podcast

Wade Alters

That means you can immediately change it but you can start too in that process.

The dating stuff I think is the most entertaining. I don’t do that anymore.

Let’s say she’s a beautiful woman. He’s like, “I don’t think I could ever get with a woman like that. She has so many options. Why would I feel confident that this is going to go well?”

Two-fold; go have them do it a million times or even a dozen times, and he realizes that she’s not going to slap him in the face or throw a drink at him.

How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People – Reframe the Process

Wade Alters

Through positive reference points, he’s getting confidence. There’s things that happened in his past or in his future that leads to him to be more confident. The fact that he’s going to the seminar to work on himself, he should feel more confident.

Because most people aren’t willing to even admit they could get better at themselves at stuff like this.

To men, I’d always say, “You’re like a fine wine, and you’ll only get better with age. You only get more sure of yourself, more confident, and more successful. All these things, you’re only getting better and better.

Wade Alters How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People Thriving Launch Podcast

How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People In Business

Wade Alters

It’s the same thing in sales.

Here’s a quick example. A lot of times, I work with people to get their first client. That’s like a thing when it’s the scariest because the hardest time to make the sale is when you needed to most, and you’re trying to pay the bills.

And so I say, “because this is your first client, you can give him so much more effort, focus, and attention than if you were some big company who had hundreds of clients.” All of a sudden, by reframing that into a strength, that gives them that confidence where the same thing is happening either way.

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Luis Congdon

That’s great stuff there Wade.

One of the points you had there was we’ve cultivated certain beliefs system for so long and that forget that we’re the ones who cultivated those beliefs systems or we forget that we can change those beliefs sytems.

Learning How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People Is Possible

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Luis Congdon

In the study of the brain and neuroscience, they call it plasticity. One of the things they talk about is that even you get old the brain still have neuroplasticity and we know that it does. The brain is still malleable, we can change. You can teach an old dog new tricks.

One of the things happened in our last interview is we had Pedram Shojai, the urban monk on the podcast earlier today. He quoted something from Milton Erickson, who created hypnotherapy, and Ericksonian hypnotherapy.

One of the things he was asked was, “What is it like to put people in trance all day?” Erick responded by saying, “I don’t put people in trance. I take them out of their trance so they can see what’s happening, and then decide what they want.” That’s what we’re talking about here.

A lot of the things you believe to be true are only belief systems because you’ve practiced them over and over, and then you’ve looked for proof for those things to be true.

With that being said Wade, I’m curious, any last thoughts? Any last gems you’d like to share with the Thriving Launch community as we close out?

Wade Alters

I’d say on that same thread, the way I like looking at it is,

Wade Alters How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People Thriving Launch Podcast

Wade Alters

There are studies from emotional intelligence where when a mother is breastfeeding the child, based on the child looking up, how quickly the mother looks away, can have effects on your introvertedness and your extrovertedness. Here you are, 20, 30, 40 years later, letting these things that are completely arbitrary dictate your life.

How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People – Deautomate Old Patterns

Wade Alters

The first step is just having that sense of awareness like you just talked about of like, “Okay. This is the introverted trance.” or, “The driving trance.” or the, “Me on a podcast trance.” or, “Trying to be social.” and things like that, and going, “Okay. Whatever I thought I was in the past, I can change that, and I can choose the response that I want.”

That doesn’t mean it’s going to immediately change but it’s your choice. It’s just a matter of deautomating old patterns, and automating the ones you want to get whatever level of success you want.

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Kamala Chambers

There you have it, Thriving Launchers. We’ve been here with Wade Alters talking about how to have confidence and power in dealing with people

I just encourage you to go out today, and look for ways you can practice being more confident in your life.

Keep thriving everyone.

Thriving Launch by Kamala Chambers and Luis Congdon How To Have Confidence And Power In Dealing With People - Wade Alters
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