How To Be Socially Confident – Myke Macapinlac

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SUMMARY


Do you know how to be socially confident? Meeting new people is a part of our journey to fulfilling our dreams and reaching our success. Yet for some people, this is a big issue because they aren’t confident about themselves and they don’t have social confidence.

What happens when you lack social confidence is you have limited choices. You can’t choose the people you want to meet. You can’t have the lifestyle you want.

Therefore you should know how to be socially confident. On this episode with Myke Macapinlac, the program director of the Social Confidence Mastery, shares tips on how to be socially confident to have the lifestyle you deserve. It is a life where you’re in control with whoever you want to meet and this gives you a great sense of relief. Therefore, everyone should know how to be socially confident.

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KEY TAKEAWAYS


arrow-iconWhat is social confidence and how to be socially confident? Social confidence is your ability to inspire, to lead, and engage people that’s going to move you in upper management if you’re climbing a corporate ladder, and even build a brand new network if you’re in a new city.

arrow-iconThe Social Confidence Blueprint

  • Step 1. You have to change your mindset.  The quickest way that I know to do that is have a daily practice of gratitude and know how to be socially confident.
  • Step 2. Developing your charisma.  I think the quickest way I know to become more charismatic is really make the person that you’re with the most important person in the world.
  • Step 3. Upgrading your style.  You have to dress in a way that attracts the attention of the type of people that you want in our life.
  • Step 4. Overcoming your social anxiety.  Have small wins every day.
  • Step 5. Improving your conversation skills. Lead with honesty and passion in all your conversations to be able to know how to be socially confident.
  • Step 6. Designing your ideal lifestyle.  Do what you love to do for fun and go to places where you’re more likely to win.

arrow-iconPeople can’t see personality, IQ, or emotional intelligence. Therefore you should learn how to be socially confident.

arrow-iconKnowing how to be socially confident is important. Your ability to engage people really comes down to how you express yourself not just through language, stories, and humor.

arrow-iconMutual interest is the foundation of every great relationship whether it’s personal, romantic, or professional, and it’s so easy to have a relationship with other people if you have a lot of things in common. If you know how to be socially confident, you can have great relationships.

arrow-iconIf you really focus on the process of building yourself from the inside out, all aspects of your life will improve. You can do this only by learning how to be socially confident.

arrow-iconYour mind and body are interconnected and when you change one, the other would follow.

arrow-iconPeople can read micro expressions from your face in as little as like literally a few seconds.

arrow-iconIf you want to exude confidence and positivity, it really comes down to how you see yourself and there’s not a better a way that I know of to improve yourself image than a daily practice of gratitude.

arrow-iconIf you focus on the things that are going well in your life, ironically, you’ll find more of them.

arrow-iconSome people may feel inadequate because they always compare themselves to other people.

arrow-iconComparison really kills your personal fulfilment. Be independent and know how to be socially confident.

Summary-icon

TRANSCRIPTION: THE KEY TO SUCCESS – DALE PARTRIDGE


How To Be Socially Confident

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Kamala Chambers

If you been wanting to know how to be socially confident, this is the episode for you.

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Luis Congdon

Today’s guest is Myke Macapinlac.

He’s the program director of the Social Confidence Mastery and he’s mission is to teach people how to be socially confident so they can create a lifestyle they deserve.

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Kamala Chambers

Myke, are you ready to launch?

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Myke Macapinlac

Let’s do it.

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Kamala Chambers

All right.

Well, I know this is a topic that is going to be quite colorful today. We are so excited to talk about how to be socially confident.

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Luis Congdon

You make it sound like there’s going to be bad language or something but that’s not where we’re going.

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Kamala Chambers

No. I know you’re really passionate about how to be socially confident.  Confidence is something that people know you for Luis, and Myke, I know that you are the confidence man.

I would love to hear what your view of confidence even is and how to be socially confident?

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Myke Macapinlac

Are you referring to confidence or social confidence?

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Kamala Chambers

Social confidence.

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Myke Macapinlac

Yeah, let’s do it.

At a young age, my dad told me that in life, it’s not just what you know but who you know. That lesson was really instilled in my mind as a young kid and I know for myself, every single opportunity that I’ve had throughout my journey, I’ve had many different transitions. I’ve changed jobs. I’ve moved to different countries, and every single time that I’m able to re-immerse in the new environment, it’s because of my ability to connect with other people. So the topic of social confidence is really close to my heart.

Live To Inspire, Lead and Engage People

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Myke Macapinlac

Knowing how to be socially confident is so important. It’s unfortunate because the majority of the education we get in school is academics like Chemistry, Physics, or Math but in the real world, none of those things matter. It’s really your ability to inspire, to lead, and engage people that’s going to move you in upper management if you’re climbing a corporate ladder and gets you a date if you’re single and you want to put yourself out there, and even build a brand new network if you’re in a new city. That’s what it means to me.

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Luis Congdon

That’s a great answer and confidence is such a vague thing particularly knowing how to be socially confident. I know that I went through this period where I was very shy particularly around women. I used to feel very nervous around women, wanted to have dates but it was an area I really struggled in. So, I started trying to understand how do you get good with women, how do you become good at socializing, what is that these people have that I don’t have, and you keep coming across this word. You need to be more confident. You need to develop confidence and you need to learn how to be socially confident.

That always felt like such a vague term and in some ways, it really is because confidence is such a personal thing. There’s no, “Do this and do that and be this kind of person, you’d be more confident,” because the way that I’m confident is different than maybe the way Kamala is or someone else is, but there’s still some sort of thread between everybody on what we can do to build confidence or to gain confidence.

What are your steps or do you have some tips and tricks for us on how to be socially confident? So that we’re more comfortable going to job interviews, more comfortable talking to women or to men or in groups or to our family whatever way that we need to have more of that confidence. Are there things that we can do?

Tips On How To Be Socially Confident

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Myke Macapinlac

Certainly.

I’ve broken this down into my signature online program, which is The Social Confidence Blueprint. It has everything in it about how to be socially confident.

After many trial and errors and like what I mentioned before our call, I’ve hosted a lot of virtual summits specifically to help shy guys improve their social confidence. I’ve really broken it down into 6 main components. So what I’m going to do is to break it down as a whole and then go through them step by step.

  • Step 1. You have to change your mindset.  There’s no tactics or strategies that will work for anyone long-term if your head is not in the right place.We start right there.
  • Step 2. Developing your charisma. I know for me, back then, I thought charisma was something you’re either born with or not. Fortunately, throughout my research, it is a learned behavior and we’re going to break that down on how to be more a charismatic later on.
  • Step 3. Upgrading your style. It doesn’t matter how nice or how intelligent you are, if you don’t present yourself in a way that attracts the attention of the right people, then it’s not going to matter because people can’t see personality. People can’t see your IQ or emotional intelligence, therefore learning how to be socially confident is important.
  • Step 4. Overcoming your social anxiety. Again, you got your head straight, you’re charismatic, you’re well-dressed but if you don’t know how to put yourself out there and approach people, then again, none of the things you learned are going to matter.
  • Step 5. Improving your conversation skills. Your ability to engage people really comes down to how you express yourself not just through language, stories, humor, and stuff like that.
  • Step 6. Designing your ideal lifestyle. I’m a firm believer that mutual interest is the foundation of every great relationship whether it’s personal, romantic, or professional, and it’s so easy to have a relationship with other people if you have a lot of things in common.

How To Be Socially Confident – Pursue Your Passion

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Myke Macapinlac

Certainly.

I tell all my clients this, “Pursue your passion, do more things that you enjoy and you’ll meet the right people along the way.”

Myke Macapinlac How To Be Socially Confident Thriving Launch Podcast
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Myke Macapinlac

That’s why I love getting rejected because very quickly, I know that we’re not a good match. So I can save myself from wasting time and just move on and give myself the opportunity to find the right relationships for me.

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Kamala Chambers

I love when people talk in bullet points. That’s like my favorite thing.

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Luis Congdon

You’re exuding what Kamala considers confidence there.

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Myke Macapinlac

Thank you. I appreciate that.

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Luis Congdon

Those bullet points, Kamala goes, “That is a confident organized person.” I go, “All right. Let’s like flesh that out. I’m confused. This is all these bullet points.”

One of the things you talked about is how to be socially confident. I remember going through that process of trying to develop my confidence around people and thinking that I needed to mold myself for other people, and that didn’t really seem to work.

Then I came across some stuff when I was reading and there’s this great book called Fire in the Belly and one of the things he talked about in that book was saying, “Confidence is really exuded when you’re living your purpose, you’re being a passionate person, and you’re excited about life. People will get excited because you’re excited and if you’re living your purpose and you’re really interested in what you’ve got going on, then you’re an interesting person and people will be interested in you.” I thought, “Whoa! This whole time I thought I needed to be super interested in other people, if they didn’t like me there is something wrong with me but maybe it’s more because I’m not really liking myself and doing the things that I’m really lit up and passionate about.

How To Be Socially Confident – Focus on Building Yourself

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Myke Macapinlac

I totally agree with that.

There’s actually a quote that I want to share with you guys. I really love this quote because it’s so simple but it’s so powerful. It’s by Mark Nepo and he says, “The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes.”

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Luis Congdon

That’s exactly what I did for Kamala.

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Myke Macapinlac

To me, the reason why I love that quote is because a lot of people are finding happiness and fulfilment outside of themselves.

For example, if I get the girl’s phone number, then that means I’m a good person or for single guys, if I go out there and I’m able to take a girl home from the bar, then I must be desirable. For entrepreneurs, if I finally have a 6 figure launch, then I have a worthwhile business. All of those things are outcomes.

If you really focus on the process of building yourself from inside out, all aspects of your life will improve.

Again, whether it’s you’re trying to make friends, improve your business relationships, or look for a romantic partner. It really comes down to the relationship you have with yourself. To know how to be socially confident focus on building yourself.

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Kamala Chambers

That’s so true.

I’m excited about diving a little deeper into the points that you had just laid out for us about how to be socially confident.

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Myke Macapinlac

One of the things I talk about in my program that a lot of guys come to me asking is, “Myke, what’s the line? What’s the strategy? What angle should I approach people?” or “How should I stand? I’m like none of those things matter because your mind and body are interconnected and when you change one, the other would follow and the thing is people can read micro expressions from your face in as little as like literally a few seconds.

How to Be Socially Confident – Stop Comparing Yourself with Others

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Myke Macapinlac

If you try to micromanage your body language and your facial expressions, that’s way too much work. This is one of the tips on how to be socially confident.

If you want to exude confidence and positivity, it really comes down to how you see yourself and there’s not a better a way to improve yourself image than a daily practice of gratitude.

If you focus on the things that are going well in your life, ironically, you’ll find more of them. However, the thing is, a lot of people that come to me. I’ve had some very attractive guys come to me and they’re like, “Myke, I don’t feel confident.” I want to smack him in the face and I’m like, “Are you serious dude? You’re such a good looking dude. You’re in great shape.” Because they always compare themselves to other people, they feel inadequate.

Myke Macapinlac How To Be Socially Confident Thriving Launch Podcast
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Myke Macapinlac

  1. Change your mindset.

The quickest way that I know to do that is have a daily practice of gratitude. Starting today, just come up with 3 things you’re thankful for and in 30 days, I guarantee you, you’ll have a completely different perspective about who you are as a person and the kind of life you’re living.

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Kamala Chambers

Such an important and powerful practice that I love to incorporate and I think it’s helpful in all of areas of life, in prosperity, in confidence, in relationships, and creating more connection with your partner, finding ways to be grateful and all of it.

I love it.

How To Be Socially Confident – Improve Your Charisma

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Myke Macapinlac

Awesome!

2. Improving your charisma.

Again, we can talk for hours about charisma but I think the quickest way I know to become more charismatic is really make the person that you’re with the most important person in the world at that given moment. That means turning off your phone, give the person you’re with your full undivided attention, and listening for the sake of understanding instead of responding because those are 2 different things.

A lot of guys come to me and they’re like, “Myke, I don’t know what to say. I’m running out of things to say,” when really, sometimes the best response is just nothing. Just be there with that person. Give them the gift of your time and again, turn off your phone and make that person that you’re with at that moment the most important person in the world.

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Kamala Chambers

Turning off the phone that’s a…

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Luis Congdon

That’s exactly what I do all the time.

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Kamala Chambers

Well, I think he’s being a little sarcastic. I just want to say like from the perspective of a woman being approach by Luis. He was courting me and I was not on the market at all but he was definitely the most confident and cocky man I have ever come in contact with. He was certain that I wanted him and I wanted him bad and that level of confidence, suddenly, I started believing that “Wait, maybe I do want this guy,” and it worked. We’re still together.

Improve Your Style but Don’t Complicate It

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Myke Macapinlac

There you go. I love it. That’s awesome.

3. Upgrading your style.

I think one of the biggest mistakes that guys commit when it comes to dressing well is they think it’s feminine. “People shouldn’t care about how I look” or, “It’s what’s on the inside that matters” and I’m like, “Man, that’s all fine and good but from a single guy’s perspective, I’m pretty sure that every single girl you want to approach, you want to talk to them because you find them attractive, right? And then you find out if they have a good personality after.”

From a business perspective, your style is basically your way of marketing yourself to the right people. Going back to the business perspective, I check at your website and to me, it’ very clear, the type of audience you’re trying to attract. So your style is really no different.

You have to dress in a way that attracts the attention of the type of people that you want in our life. That’s my best advice right there to be able to learn how to be socially confident.

If you want to improve your style, it doesn’t have to be complicated. Figure out who’s already attracting the type of people you want in your life and observe what they’re wearing, and all you got to do is emulate their style and then, innovate later on. Nailed on the fundamentals, the basics, and then the rest, make it your own. That’s the quickest you can upgrade your image.

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Kamala Chambers

Those are some really great tips and I think as a woman, I believe that I should know how to dress myself and I don’t.

I do not know how to dress myself and it affects how I feel about myself and when I finally find something that works for me, it does absolutely change how I feel and how I move through the world.

So I think those are some fantastic really clear tips and something that I will apply right away. I’d love to hear step number 4.

How To Be Socially Confident – Always Be You

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Luis Congdon

All right. We get to go shopping?

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Kamala Chambers

That’s the thing is I hate shopping so much but I think what really helps me is to go with someone who can do most of the shopping for me.

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Myke Macapinlac

Yes, just coming in with a plan. If you’re going to go shopping, again, doing a better research, and figuring out who your style role models are. Let’s say for example, you want to attract the same crowd as like Marie Forleo or like Amy Porterfield.

Do a better research, look at how she’s presenting herself and then, find a way where you can incorporate this specific outfit that she’s wearing and make it your own.

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Kamala Chambers

I don’t have the knife for that thing at all but what I could do is hire out maybe. The big goal is just hire somebody to dress me.

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Myke Macapinlac

There you go. Outsourcing, that’s perfect.

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Kamala Chambers

All right. Let’s get into step number 4.

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Myke Macapinlac

4. Overcoming your social anxiety.

As Luis mentioned before the call, I think him and I share this experience when we were both trying to improve our social skills. We both got into the whole pick up industry. It’s funny because back in the day when I was younger, I’d spent hours and hours on YouTube watching all these pick up artists like walk the girls and next thing you know they’re making out and getting their phone number and I’m like, “Oh my God! I should just be able to do that.”

I’ve been in this industry for a long time that the majority of those videos are fake. This didn’t teach me anything about how to be socially confident. I didn’t know that. They were combining scripted stuff with real infield videos. So in my head I had these really false and mismanaged expectations of my ability to just be able to put myself out there

How To Be Socially Confident – Improve Your Social Skills

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Luis Congdon

What a great idea to make some of those like for marketing purposes to make some of those scripted videos.

Kamala, I’m going to need you to make some videos where I pick you up and I’m like the Mac. I’m the coolest guy you’ve ever meet and you swoon over me. The market will go wild, we’ll sell boatloads. I’m just kidding. Go ahead.

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Myke Macapinlac

Exactly, and it’s unfortunate because the majority of guys who are watching these videos are being brainwashed. They believe that they should just be able to go to any night club, approach any girl, and with the right combination of words and routines that they should just be able to get their phone number, get a make out, or take them home but that’s not how it works.

If we relate this to fitness, if a guy who’s out of shape. If it’s his first day at the gym and you give him this ridiculous cross-fit style work-out, he’ll have a great work-out but the next day, he’s going to be so sore and it’s just not something sustainable. So when I work with clients in improving their social confidence, I use the exact same analogy.

I say, “Right now man, you’re socially out of shape and what we’re going to do is build your social confidence slowly but surely.” So just like going to the gym, if it’s your first day at the gym, we’re just going to do walk in the thread mill. Maybe do a few push ups and some crunches. It was challenging and fun, and because you felt like you had a small win under your belt, you’re a lot more likely to come back and in my opinion, I’m not a huge fan of throwing someone at the deep end of the pool and them, trying to figure things out.

How To Be Socially Confident – Be A Good Motivator

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Myke Macapinlac

Fear is never a good motivator for my perspective. What I like to do is give them small wins.

Myke Macapinlac How To Be Socially Confident Thriving Launch Podcast
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Myke Macapinlac

My coaching programs especially my online course is set-up that guys can win every single day in a small way. Because the thing is I can’t make other people do something that they don’t want to do.

Real change happens when you want to do things for yourself and there’s nothing more that will help people do that than building positive momentum.

5. Improving your conversation skills.

Again, a lot of guys are so afraid of getting rejected when my approach is totally different. I want you to get rejected because, you can always make more money but you can’t make more time.

So when you lead with honesty, when you lead with passion in all your conversations, people know exactly what you’re all about and you’re going polarize them. They’re either going to love you or they’re going to hate you. The analogy that I give my clients is you want to be pistachio and not vanilla. You want people to really, really like you or not and that’s okay. You don’t want to be bland to everybody else.

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Kamala Chambers

Absolutely. I love your thoughts about how to be socially confident.

I just want to point out that you’re putting in the context of pick up but this also applies to business as well and all of the things that you’re saying apply to just how you move through the world with confidence in your business life, in your success, and all of it.

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Myke Macapinlac

Totally.

6. Designing you ideal life style.

Like what I mentioned earlier, mutual interest is the foundation of every great relationship and it’s so much easier to meet people if you have a lot of things in common.

Myke Macapinlac How To Be Socially Confident Thriving Launch Podcast
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Myke Macapinlac

I may get a guy who hates loud environments and going to bars and night clubs so I would not tell him to go to bars and nightclubs to work on your social skills. The first thing I ask him is like, “What do you love to do for fun? And let’s find social gatherings and events, and let’s put you in those environments where you’re a lot more likely to win, and even if you don’t meet anyone when you go out, at the very least, you had fun because you did something that matter to you.”

Final Thoughts On How To Be Socially Confident

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Kamala Chambers

Really cool stuff! I love how you’ve just laid it out and made it very tangible and doable for everyone who’s listening. We love the insights on how to be socially confident.

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Luis Congdon

We’ve gone through this journey that confidence has these different elements because I’ve gone through that process as well like you changed some of your clothes. You don’t certainly have to but it can help.

Like what Kamala said and I definitely resonate with is clothing doesn’t make me but it definitely helps bring out aspects of me and in different environments, it’s nice to be dressed in certain way or it can help bring out the confidence in me or have other people see me in a certain way.

That’s very important to me and its important when you’re dealing with people in business or if you’re trying to get date. All this stuff is very important and then you’ve got the different elements of socializing, what you’re wearing, and then you talked about creating your dream lifestyle.

You put that at step 6 but for me, that is the most important piece is having a clear vision of the life that you want and then going after that life.

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Myke Macapinlac

Absolutely, knowing how to be socially confident is important.

I would have made that step 1 but at the end of the day, that’s not sexy and people don’t want to hear that even though that’s the truth, so I made it step 6.

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Kamala Chambers

It’s the gold. It’s the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

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Luis Congdon

No, it is and I think that as you go through that process, you are doing step number 6 anyways.

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Myke Macapinlac

Exactly, exactly.

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Kamala Chambers

We’ve been here with Myke Macapinlac. It’s been so fantastic to have you on the show.

We’ve been talking about building your self-confidence and your social confidence.

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