The Power Of Forgiveness – Dr. Shawne Duperon

Thriving Launch by Kamala Chambers and Luis Congdon The Power Of Forgiveness - Dr. Shawne Duperon
00:00:00 00:00:00

The Power Of Forgiveness

Thriving Launch by Kamala Chambers and Luis Congdon The Power Of Forgiveness - Dr. Shawne Duperon
00:00:00 00:00:00

Summary-icon

SUMMARY


Unlock your greatness with the power of forgiveness. We were taught that feeling angry is bad and that we must forgive and forget, but anything that doesn’t get resolved will just keep repeating itself, until we face it. According to Dr. Shawne Duperon, when we take the courageous route where we face it, move through it, transform it, and be with it, that’s where all the miracles show up. Dr. Shawne is a 6-time Emmy Winner. She has the honor of a Nobel Peace Prize nomination for her work on the power of forgiveness.

On this episode, she talks about the power of forgiveness. That it’s a journey and a process that every human goes through.

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KEY TAKEAWAYS


arrow-iconYou don’t really pick your subject. Your subject picks you. We need to know the power of forgiveness.

arrow-iconThings that we teach are things that we need the most.

arrow-iconIt’s about who we become in the process of those journeys.

arrow-iconKnow the power of forgiveness. You could become an amazing human because of the things that happened for you rather than to you. And forgiveness is a big part of it.

arrow-iconThe power of forgiveness is incredible. Forgiveness is a process which is going to be the same every single time. It’s different and it’s the same and it’s different and everybody goes through a process.

arrow-iconThere’s a lineage of what people go through when they forgive. We need to realize the power of forgiveness. It starts with anger and shock, grief, and then, getting to a place of acceptance. And then, finally peace but it’s not a straight line.

arrow-iconForgiveness is this process of ebb and flow allowing the different feelings . These different phases move you forward and move you backward. The power of forgiveness is massive.

arrow-iconThis is not about forgiving and forgetting. It’s not about taking the high road. It’s not about any of that. It’s about being a human and having this very beautiful experience human experience of forgiving and knowing the power of forgiveness.

arrow-iconThere’s real value in being able to experience our own pain and grief around what the experiences brought us.Rather than jumping to the state of forgiveness, knowing .the power of forgiveness.

arrow-iconIf nothing gets resolved, then, it keeps repeating itself until you face it.

arrow-iconFace your pain and grief, move through it, transform it, lob it up, and be with it. That’s the courageous route and that’s where all the miracles show up. Educate yourself with the power of forgiveness.

arrow-iconBeing with you feelings is important and that’s what you have personal control over. Get familiar with the power of forgiveness.

arrow-iconTools you may use to forgive:

  • Forgive yourself for not being forgiving.
  • Accept the apology you’ll never receive.

arrow-iconEvery single person has their own unique way that they find internal peace. The power of forgiveness will help you be at peace with yourself.

arrow-iconKnow the the power of forgiveness, it is like a fingerprint. It’s what works for you.

arrow-iconThere are so many myths about the power of forgiveness and anger.

arrow-iconAnger is one of the most important processes of forgiveness and honoring it because your body, your intuition, and your soul tells you something’s off and that’s so important to listen to and experience.

arrow-iconUnderneath anger is grief and the access to grief is through your anger.

arrow-iconIf you don’t feel this anger, you don’t get to the heart of grieving. Feel the anger and realize the power of forgiveness.

arrow-iconGrief is sacred. Grief is what transmutes and transforms us, thus we are able to know the power of forgiveness.

arrow-iconWhen we get present to the anger and then finally let the grief bubble up. That’s when we can actually make physical changes.

arrow-iconIt’s always that dance between love and fear. Because it’s showing you where you need some progress and where you might need to amplify some love spaces . Or actually take some risks and feel some anger and do some grief work.

arrow-iconWe all have our own inner power to realize the power of forgiveness. How we deal with things is up to us. We can either be in that fear space where we’re annoyed and angry all the time just with the little things that upsets us. Or we can come from that compassionate, loving place.

arrow-iconEmbodying and practicing a mastery of accepting apology I’ll never receive or forgiving myself for not forgiving actually will illumine you in those ways so you can be the best and most profound person you can be.

Summary-icon

TRANSCRIPTION: THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS – DR. SHAWNE DUPERON


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Luis Congdon

Today’s episode is one that I’m really excited to bring to you because we brought on Dr. Shawne Duperon to talk about the power of forgiveness.

As you might already know, forgiveness has been a huge part of my own journey from being adopted, having lost my mother, being abandoned, and going through a lot of trials and tribulations in my childhood that really brought me close to the power of forgiveness and its importance.

Today’s a very special episode that if you’re looking to find more forgiveness, this episode will be a great one to listen to.

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Kamala Chambers

We are here with Dr. Shawne Duperon today talking about the power of forgiveness. She is a 6-time Emmy winner, featured in major media including CNN, ABC, and Inc. Magazine, a bunch of others, and she’s had the honor of a Nobel Peace Prize nomination for the work that she’s doing on global forgiveness. She’s also a non-profit leadership foundation, a founder in that. I could go on and on but we’re just so excited to have Dr. Shawne.

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Luis Congdon

All right. I am so excited to be here with Dr. Shawne. It is so awesome to be here.

This is a really important and big subject for me to talk about the power of forgiveness as many of you may or may not know, I’ve written a variety of articles and I’m actually in the process of writing another one for Success magazine on the power of forgiveness.

Dr. Shawne, welcome to the show. Are you ready to launch?

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

I’m launched baby. I’m here.

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Luis Congdon

I absolutely love it.

One of the first things that’s just top of mind for me is why did you choose the power of forgiveness as your main subject? Why is that such an important subject matter?

Why Is The Power Of Forgiveness Important?

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

You know it’s so funny and you probably get this too and the folks that listen to you. You don’t really pick your subject. Your subject picks you.

Things that we teach are things that we need the most.

A lot of folks know my story. I’m pretty open about it. I’m an incest survivor and I’m at the point now as a grandmother and it’s an odd thing to say that I can even say that being molested as a child was the thing that launched me to thrive.

Not that I would wish anything as horrific as being molested on anyone and at the same time, we get our journeys. It’s about who we become in the process of those journeys.

I have become an amazing human because of the things that happened for me rather than to me and the power of forgiveness is a big part.

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Luis Congdon

You know, someone else that talks about this is Colin Tipping. He has a quote you totally reminded me of there. He says, “Things don’t happen to you. They happen for you.”

I, like you, share something similar, and I know everyone listening, we’ve all had our own traumas. We’ve all had our own challenges. You might listen to Dr. Shawnes’ story. You might listen to my story or Kamala’s story.

All of us fit in different places or sometimes, we contrast to other people’s stories. My story is one that most people listened to and they’re like, “Oh my god. I can’t imagine what was like to go through that and I didn’t go through something like that,” but I know everyone has something that has been hard, difficult, and challenging for them.

Using The Power Of Forgiveness To Transmute Pain

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Luis Congdon

One of the things I hear from you Dr. Shawne is that you transmuted those challenges, traumas, and upsets. Somehow, you’ve gone through this process where you’ve taken pain and actually turned it into your life’s mission. You’ve turned it into something that is allowing you to gift the other world with something really beautiful.

Rumi has a quote that I really love. It’s “Imagine what beautiful flowers God makes with manure.” It sounds like you’ve made flowers.

How do you go through that process to turn this ickyness incest that sound terrible and difficult to go through. How do you turn that into something that’s beautiful?

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

Yes.

Even as you said it transmute or transform, it really is a process.

The questions that we get all the time on our website or on social media is “How do I forgive?” And the answer especially for something traumatic and to be traumatic would include getting breast cancer or losing your job or your home or having a child murder.

We have all our definition of what’s traumatic and the process is going to be the same every single time which is oxymoron. It’s a process. It’s different and it’s the same and it’s different and everybody goes through a process and all our processes are iterate processes. Meaning, they’re not linear.

In research, there’s a lineage of what people go through when they forgive. It starts with anger and shock, grief, and then, getting to a place of acceptance and then, finally peace. But it’s not a straight line. It’s an iterate process.

The Power Of Forgiveness In Times Of Transition

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

Let’s say you lose your job and that can be very traumatic for a lot of folks or you lose a large client. Then, you’re in shock and you’re so angry and then you get another opportunity the next day and you’re saying to yourself, “Oh cool. One window closes and another window opens.” and then, you don’t get that one and then you go back to the shock again.

The power of forgiveness is this process of ebb and flow allowing the different feelings and these different phases move you forward and move you backward.

It’s that pendulum swinging that allows you to shift and change because really what happens is your perception starts to change and the intensity of the emotions starts to fade away and you actually change as a person and that is the process of forgiveness.

When I hear things like forgive and forget, I want to say that is just crap. This is not about forgiving and forgetting. It’s not about taking the high road. It’s not about any of that.

Dr. Shawne Duperon The Power Of Forgiveness Thriving Launch Podcast

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Kamala Chambers

I really appreciate the way that you’re framing this because so much about the power of forgiveness can be kind of bypassing that I see that way it’s framed.

We have these terrible things that happen in our lives or we could just move on for a moment, forgive, and just let them go, and be a bigger person but that’s not always the case. I think there’s this real value in being able to experience our own pain and grief around what the experiences brought us rather than jumping to the state of forgiveness first and foremost.

The Power Of Forgiveness And Being Okay With Anger

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Kamala Chambers

I think that what you’re saying here is the power of forgiveness is this journey. It’s not just about skipping all the other steps of feeling your own feelings but it’s the journey that you go to arrive there. Is that right?

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Kamala Chambers

So beautiful.

Forgiveness is something that I’ve struggled with myself. It’s not one of my super powers to jump to forgiveness or to be able to let go of things that have happened.

For me, I feel like what I learned from experiences that I have from people is that “Okay. Now, I understand who that person is now.” So, it was about me misperceiving them as someone that they weren’t and that’s why I feel trust was broken in an experience like that.

I’m really curious. What would you say to someone like me who thinks that forgiveness isn’t something that comes natural or easy? What does come natural or easy is sitting with my own emotions and feelings around the situation and then, saying “Okay. Now, they’ve just showed me who they are and now, that’s what I can trust. They’re going to continue that kind of behavior.”

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

You are spot on Kamala. That’s exactly what it is.

Here’s the thing. If you jump to “I’m taking the high road,” whatever’s incomplete will show up in different ways whether it’s in sabotage or sideways. Maybe you’ll smoke cigarettes or you’ll eat 10 Reese’s peanut buttercup. It’s shoveling down what’s incomplete because we as human beings want to transform in complete conversations.

You and I already know this about you guys just from how you feel in who you’re being that nothing gets resolved, then, it keeps repeating itself until you face it.

I thought I might as well face it, move through it, transform it, lob it up, and be with it. That’s the courageous route and that’s where all the miracles show up.

kamala-head

Kamala Chambers

So beautiful.

Forgiveness is something that I’ve struggled with myself. It’s not one of my super powers to jump to forgiveness or to be able to let go of things that have happened.

For me, I feel like what I learned from experiences that I have from people is that “Okay. Now, I understand who that person is now.” So, it was about me misperceiving them as someone that they weren’t and that’s why I feel trust was broken in an experience like that.

I’m really curious. What would you say to someone like me who thinks that forgiveness isn’t something that comes natural or easy? What does come natural or easy is sitting with my own emotions and feelings around the situation and then, saying “Okay. Now, they’ve just showed me who they are and now, that’s what I can trust. They’re going to continue that kind of behavior.”

The Power Of Forgiveness When It Doesn’t Come Easy

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

I love what you’re saying because I hear this over and over again and I’m deeply appreciating your vulnerability.

Being with your feelings is important and that’s what you have personal control over.

I’ve got a couple of tools that we use a lot at Project Forgive. Everything we do on Project Forgive is free. You can get this download. You can see the free broadcast on Facebook live.

One of them is a meditation on forgiving yourself for not being forgiving.

You know that one person, you just look at him and you want to say, “Oh my gosh. Shoot me in the head. He’s a jerk!” and you’re trying to deal with him and be more evolved and more spiritual and you just look at him and you get a rush up your body and you’re just going to go, “Oh my gosh. Get me away from this jerk.”

One of the tools we use is forgiving yourself for not forgiving. You say like “Okay, I really want to forgive this guy but he’s such a jerk. I’m just going to simply practice forgiving myself for not being forgiving,” and we have a meditation on that.

Let me get another and this one is my absolute hands down, favorite tool and it’s called “Accepting the apology you’ll never receive.” This actually alludes to what you were saying because we may have control over ourselves. That’s all we have control over.

The Power Of Forgiveness When Someone Annoys You

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

I’ve got a great analogy of my neighbor. This neighbor, he’s one of those people as soon as I see him, I’m immediately annoyed and he lives right next door to me. To give you an example, I’ll go out to get the mail and he’ll be like, “Good morning Shawn” and I could already feel like going up my body like the annoyance and I’ll say “Yeah. But Bob, it’s 6pm,” and he’ll say, “I know. But you look like you just got up.” These are the things he literally says to me.

Now, my teachings as a trainer and as a leader, we’re always responsible for what we’re broadcasting. We’re always giving off some kind of signal or a vibration and we’re in charge of that signal or that vibration, and most people that meet me say, “Oh my gosh. You have great energy. You’re so fun.”

If you were to ask my neighbor, he’d say, “Ugh. That woman is a little intense. She’s probably got a lot of anger going on over there.” That would be his experience of me.

Accepting apology I’ll never receive but something I can do in my head that Bob will never do. So, as soon as see Bob, what I’ve been practicing is pretending that he’s apologizing to me and he’s not apologizing. He just doesn’t have those skills and what he’d be saying to me if he could apologize, he’d say, “Osh, I am so sorry. As soon as I get in a social situation, I am so awkward, I say the dumbest things. You know my background. You know that I’m hurting and the truth is I just really want you to love me and sometimes, the exact opposite comes out of my mouth and will you just forgive me?”

The Power Of Forgiveness And Loving Compassion

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

You can even feel my compassion and my softness, my being shifts on a dime and who I’m being with this neighbor now is exquisite, loving, compassionate, and I can give up that annoyance on a dime because I’m becoming so masterful at accepting the apology I’ll never receive and I use this neighbor as an example because that’s an easy one.

Some of us got stuff like especially for the holidays. We’re going to be around in-laws and they’ve got opposite political views. We’ve got all kinds of upset around racial divide and inequality and all kinds of things going on that are much bigger than a neighbor saying, “You don’t look that great in the morning,” and I love to use that example because it can be applied universally to anything that you’re facing so you can shift you and you can have peace in the moment.

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Kamala Chambers

What a powerful tool that you’ve given us. What a different way to look at your neighbor and how we all can look at people differently.

One thing that I’ve found helpful is to give myself plenty of time and space to be with what is before I jump to forgiveness.

I’m not saying this is right but this is for someone who forgiveness doesn’t come naturally to, this is what I’ve found to cope. I’ve been immersed in communities that they’re spirituality is the basis. Love is the most important thing and you need to arrive to a love as quickly as you can and for me, I don’t always get there.

The Power Of Forgiveness May Take Time

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Kamala Chambers

I don’t always get there right away so I’ll give myself time if there’s something that’s happen between me and someone else where I feel wronged or hurt or something like that. It’s just like, “Okay, if this may take two or three or four weeks for me to fully let go of the pain around this situation” and I know that may sound crazy because it’s so much time but for me, it’s allowing myself the space I need.

What do you think about that?

dr-shawne-duperon

Dr. Shawne Duperon

I think it’s beautiful. Every single person has their own unique way that they find internal peace.

If it works for you, rock and freaking roll. It’s like a fingerprint.

Dr. Shawne Duperon The Power Of Forgiveness Thriving Launch Podcast

dr-shawne-duperon

Dr. Shawne Duperon

There are so many myths about the power of forgiveness. Even anger has. Anger to me is so precious. We have such mixed emotions as a culture around anger and we see it as something negative.

I see anger as something beautiful and positive. Use appropriately. Not violence. Usually we equate anger with violence.

Anger is one of the most important processes of forgiveness and honoring it because your body, your intuition, and your soul tells you something’s off and that’s so important to listen to and experience.

Does that mean you get to shout at somebody and yell at him and scream? Of course, not. We just culturally haven’t become skilled at expressing appropriate anger and we’re seeing it right now in politics.

How Anger And The Power Of Forgiveness Work Together

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

I’m a media trainer by trade and I work with both sides of a partisanship and my job as a marriage counselor is to bring people together and we’re at this very ugly angry stage where we have inappropriate anger when actually, this can resolve itself in a really beautiful way. I’m excited to see how this lily ball and it’s getting us more familiar with being able to express anger because I’m noticing anger shifting around all these political conversation and strife globally so that we can find some resolutions.

So anger in my world is really important.

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Luis Congdon

I’d love to dive into that a little bit with you because we have such a habit as humans to label. There are these emotions. We polarize a lot.

These emotions like anger, upset, frustration, that’s over here and that’s not good. You shouldn’t be feeling.

As Kamala alluded to a little bit is especially in the spiritual world where encouraged often times to feel love. A lot of their manifest and attraction teachings, it’s like if you’re feeling that, you’re not going to attract what you want fast enough and you’re not tuned in properly and you need to tune yourself in.

We had interesting conversation with Marianne Williamson, where she offered a completely different spectrum, is like, “Well, maybe you should be opened to those feelings and maybe those feeling are really good and maybe that’s such an important part of your healing.”

She wrote book on that where being able to allow those feelings is actually part of the triumph of process, part of the process of getting to where you’re supposed to get to or where you want to get to.

The Power Of Forgiveness And Finding Happiness

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Luis Congdon

Maybe you need to go through some of these feelings, emotions, and thoughts that told are not okay, and as somebody who’s worked with a lot of couples like you Dr. Shawn, I’ve seen that when people can really bring and even welcome those feelings up, there’s this natural process where people fall into happiness.

It’s like somebody will tell me this horror story and then after that, they’re laughing and smiling and even though there’s tears still falling, there’s this joy that is now being expressed.

I’d love to dive into that a little bit you. You celebrate anger and you say “Let’s welcome it up” and this process that we’re going through currently with a lot of polarized in the political system and economy. Right now, we have a country that feels divided on many levels and you’re looking and saying “Oh good, there’s a conversation happening now and we’re seeing this discomfort and seeing this frustration.”

Tell me a little bit about that and how that works on an individual and bigger level too.

dr-shawne-duperon

Dr. Shawne Duperon

Beautiful.

I just have to say, I really like you guys. You guys are so exquisite. It feels so good to have this conversation.

With the power of forgiveness, anger is so important because, every single time, I’ve seen it. I’ve interviewed a lot of people. We’re doing a documentary. I’ve talked to a lot of researchers. I’ve talked to a lot of experts.

Underneath anger is grief and the access to grief is through your anger. If you don’t feel this anger, you don’t get to the heart of grieving.

Dr. Shawne Duperon The Power Of Forgiveness Thriving Launch Podcast

The Power Of Forgiveness From A Child’s Perspective

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

We get this documentary launching in 2017. We did all kinds of interviews and we interviewed 24 four-year olds. We asked them about the power of forgiveness and they were adorable. What is the power of forgiveness? It’s a bunch of sorry’s. It’s when you don’t hate anyone anymore. It was just precious and I had this jest feeling and I said, “What about anger?”

So I asked every single one of those four year olds what they thought about anger and every single one of them said anger was bad. I’ll bet you a million dollars, their parents are not saying “Don’t be angry. Angry is evil.” They’re doing it unconsciously and our game is to make the unconscious conscious, and it’s to have conversations like this because underneath that anger is when you find that grief.

Another example of anger that I love to use outside of the political arena is mothers against drunk drivers. Those moms got really mad. That organization got really mad for a good 10 years and it took many decades to actually make drinking and driving illegal. It was a fight and these mothers were mad enough and inspired enough to work through that so actual change can take place.

When we find that we’re angry whether it’s angry about politics or angry about our personal life…

When we get present to the anger and then finally let the grief bubble up, that’s when we can actually make physical changes.

Sometimes, it’s about setting boundaries. Sometimes, in political arenas it might be getting involved as an activist in some way. You can see what’s going on in Standing Rock right now. People are just really getting involved by that because they’re inspired by what’s going on over there and they want to make a difference.

The Global Effect Of The Power Of Forgiveness

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

For me, in Shawn’s world, the politics are merely a reflection of what’s been going on culturally and internally for decades and it has just manifested in our politics and I can just see for me, what this fight means for me internally as an incest survivor. I can see themes everywhere.

As I start dealing with my own pain that’s unresolved, I’m getting more and more peace about the politics and actually, solutions are coming forward for me as how I can participate to make a difference and I am seeing that happening in so many places in social media.

Are there a lot of folks that are staying in the anger and staying in the combativeness? Yeah, a lot of folks stay there, and those aren’t the folks I hang with. I’m sure the folks even listening to this podcast actually picks accountability and responsibility for what’s going on internally to be able to manifest a powerful way, and that is really why I say this is such an exciting time, even though it’s painful, because exciting times also include pain and include fear.

It’s always that dance between love and fear. Not that either one is good or bad because I have come from a paradigm that fear is actually good. Because it’s showing you where you need some progress and where you might need to amplify some love spaces or actually take some risks and feel some anger and do some grief work.

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Kamala Chambers

I absolutely love this and such a beautiful conversation we’re having.

Before we close out today, is there any last thing that you want the thriving launchers to walk away with?

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

Yeah, and it’s going to sound like a cliché.

The Power Of Forgiveness Is Beautiful

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Dr. Shawne Duperon

We all have our own inner power. How we deal with things is up to us and we can either be in that fear space where we’re annoyed and angry all the time just with the little things that upsets us or we can come from that compassionate, loving place.

I love to come from the compassionate, loving place authentically by doing the masterful techniques internally so I can shift myself on a dime, and I do believe it becomes a mastery.

Just like Mother Theresa says, “Forgiveness is a continuous attitude.” It’s a continuous act. Martin Luther King talked about that as well for many years and to me, embodying and practicing a mastery of accepting apology I’ll never receive or forgiving myself for not forgiving actually illumines me in those ways so I can be the best and most profound person I can be.

My wish and my hope is for those listening that they also have the courage for that kind of mastery.

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Kamala Chambers

So beautiful. We’ve been here with Dr. Shawne.

We’ve been talking about the power of forgiveness. Keep thriving everyone and find your own form of forgiveness.

Thriving Launch by Kamala Chambers and Luis Congdon The Power Of Forgiveness - Dr. Shawne Duperon
00:00:00 00:00:00

Thriving Launch by Kamala Chambers and Luis Congdon The Power Of Forgiveness - Dr. Shawne Duperon
00:00:00 00:00:00

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